A Bad Year For Me Too

2016 was a bad year for me too.

I wasn't planning to write anything down for the year of 2016 because, I thought this form of thinking useless at best. Who would read this after, like, a month? And who would remember anything after 2 weeks? So what's the point?

But I just don't want to be wasting my experiences, disappointments of the whole year just because my point of view. Well, let's face it, it's the holidays and I got too much time to kill. Damn these holidays, if only I got to work over time.

Anyways, for 2016, it was hard for me as well.

For a whole year I have been working on one major project or, one major product, with my colleague, under some stressing conditions, and was able to pull something out in the end. The process, the whole thing was not that easy. Everything has to be done from the ground up, from literally zero. Although I enjoyed the process of actually had made something useful out of something plain, and the results were nice enough for me to sit back and relax for a bit, it was still hard. I don't know if I still have what it takes to do it again, if chance rises.

After October most of my time I spent on trips to various places and some of the situations were just not for me. Before that I never actually took planes to anywhere. I was a train guy before all that. But flied like 20 thousand kilometers before the end of the year. I really missed the days and nights of my own place, while staying at some unnamed hotel.

All those work coming to the end of the year I found myself stuck in a situation that, couldn't be solved with my chemistry skills. I spent days and nights thinking about ways to get better, sometimes thinking about how to fuck someone I know up so that I won't be dragged down with. It's really uncomfortable and just not within my abilities. And the stuff is still going on.

After this year of hard work, I think to me, proves that I have the ability it takes to do what I want to do. And this year also helps me realize what I really want in life, what kind of work that suits me, and what kind of balance of work and life I have in mind. But also this year and maybe the year after, shows that sometimes even if you know what you want, you are not going to get it. Even if you do, it won't be long.

posted from Bloggeroid